September 15th, 2006

Current Music: sunday kind of love- etta james Current Location: my room Security: Time: 01:03 am Current Mood: aggravated

ok so its been a week and its only monday all weekend the ac was broken at work so it was like 80+ in the store and i think that it has made it so that i am not feeling well at all this week monday i woke up with a sore throat stuffy nose and just feeling woozy and that has continued all week as well and i am just starting to get my voice back I also helped jeff and jill move out wednesday night in the rain and i don't that is going to help me any (update on that dram a little later). i saw this guy tim that i like and is an amazing person but his draw back is that he has a girlfriend (among a couple of other things) that he lives with and it is wierd because we talk ALOT and she came up in conversation but its just like my girlfriend blah blah blah new subject so it was kinda funny to me. but here is an update on the soap opera that is my brother and his wife. after two months of living with a buddy he moved back home to find that she hadn't paid bills in the two months since she had kicked him out and wasn't sure if she was going to be moving to his new duty station with him. i guess they are still going to therapy and all. they moved out of their condo this week and are now officially moved into their new house in j'ville she did end up going with him but they will be back sunday afternoon for a baby shower that no one from my family was invited or welcome at and to cover for this jill and her mother were talking and her mom was like we will see you for the "wedding" (but my brother is the liar) right infront of my dad and i like my dad and i are dumb and don't know that they are having a baby shower and my grandma who moved to colorado has been asking my mom when they are going to have a baby shower so she can send something since she doesn't know about the fight that they had and all of that. so am thinking about crashing it if it is at her uncles cause i know where they live or i am going to send a book to her with a note just to let her know that we all know what her shisty ass is up to and that we aren't dumb like she thinks we are.

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June 23rd, 2006

Current Music: none Current Location: mom and dad's house Security: Subject: what the fuck Time: 12:14 am Current Mood: surprised

Okay so i never update this and it is never about family but right now i don't know what else to do my brother's wife is acusing him of cheating and he is the last person on this earth that i would ever think would do that and she even made a comment that allueded to the fact that the baby she is carrying may not be his (wtf) and i made the mistake of calling her and somewhat attacking her but i feel like she has lied to me and my family and if she had reservations about the marriage then she shouldn't have married him my brother is at fault in this as well and he shouldn't have been hiding a female friend on the side but it seems like to me no matter what he would have been cheating in her eyes and there was nowhere for him to go. so after eight months of what appeared to have been them being happily married she has drawn up seperation papers and though she says she hasn't made up her it is obvious that she does not want to fight for her marriage and part of her reasoning has been that my brother is not happy enough about the baby what do you want him to do back flips in the middle of the street. I think over all because this was out of the blue and the last time I talked to her she made no mention of there being any problems i feel like my family is falling apart and that i am going to loose not only my sister in law but my fist nephew who i was more than excited about ... but we will see what happens just please if you pray pray for them and if you don't can you give me some advice on how to deal with this because this is the first divorce/seperation that i have faced in my life and i am lost and don't know what to do i just feel like everything is falling appart

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May 6th, 2006

Security: Time: 05:23 pm Current Mood: confused

i think las cab says it best how come the way that i feel is so hard to describe how come the mess you make of me is so hard to hide. too bad the one i want can't see what he does to me

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April 22nd, 2006

Current Music: touch the sky - Kayne West ft Lupe Fiasco Security: Subject: The Marine Time: 04:12 pm Current Mood: calm

The Marine Your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes. He stays up for days on end. You take a warm shower to help you wake up. He goes days or weeks without any running water. You complain of a "headache" and call in sick. He gets shot at, as others are hit, and he keeps moving foward. You put on your anti war don't support the troops shirt, and meet up with your friends. He still fights for your right to wear that shirt. You make sure your cell phone is in your pocket. He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags. You talk trash on your "buddies" that aren't with you. He knows that he may never see his buddies again. You complain about how hot it is. He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow. You go to lunch and complain because they got your order wrong. He does not get to eat today or even maybe tomorrow. You are angry because your class ran over 5 minutes. He is told he will be held an extra 2 months. You hug and kiss your loved one everyday. He holds his letter close just to smell his love's perfume. You see only what the media shows you on TV. He sees bodies lying around him. You stay at home and watch TV. He takes whatever time he gets to call, write home, sleep, and eat. You sit there and judge him saying the world is a worse place because of men like him. IF ONLY THERE WERE MORE MEN LIKE HIM.

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April 21st, 2006

Current Music: Your Beautiful- James Blunt Security: Subject: purging Time: 09:09 pm Current Mood: weird

So I don't know how to start this or exactly what to say with out scaring you. I know we don't know you that well and yet it seems you know all about me and I have allowed my self to become attached as much as I didn't want to and now I don't know how to feel for I know that you don't feel the same way as you do. I was just a random hook up for you and I merely wanted there to be more there then there was but that is how I am I guess not just the fuck around and leave type like you seem to be and maybe that is a little harsh but it is just the feeling that I have. Maybe Steph is right and I should just forget about you but for some reason I can't get you out from under my skin or out of my head. you are an intriguing person and I wish things weren't wierd between us but that is just what happens. I just feel that you are embarrased by me and whatever it was that happend with us which I think is worse than the regection that I was so afraid of and got but we get knocked down to get back up brush ourselves off and be stronger. I wish I wasn't attached to you and your attention and that I could let you go because it seems that is what you have done and all you wanted has been done and over with. But it feels to get it out and to just say it even if I was never able to say it directly to you but its done its over and its time to move on.

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April 7th, 2006

Current Music: Saving Jane Beautiful day Security: Time: 03:08 pm Current Mood: still pissed from last night

aparently i am a slut and a selfish heartless bitch but then again ex boyfriends are God's reminder that there is someone better out there for you

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January 29th, 2006

Current Music: Jagged Edge- All out of Love Security: Subject: Just because you have on head phones doesn't mean i can't hear your music Time: 12:31 am Current Mood: you figure it out

I guess sometimes to find the truth you have to leave behind some of the people who are closest to you and I think that it is time that I did that. You have to leave the ones holding you down so that you can rise above and see things from another perspective. I have been trying to do this but it seems the more I want to let go the more I get held back into the same pattern I think part of it is because I don't want to be hurt again or do to someone else what has been done to me but at the same time I dont think that I can sit by and let my self feel apologetic or sorry for my opinons and just because someone doesn't want to hear them doesn't mean that they still are not valid sometimes the truest things are the things we do not want to hear. Somethings are just a two way street and I don't want to be the only one on that street anymore I like being the person that people can vent to but sometimes you want to vent to those that vent to you and it sucks when they won't allow you to do that because the only reason they keep you around is because you are the person they can talk shit to about everyone else. I don't work like that and I am sorry that I am just now realizing it but sometimes you ignore things until they hit you in the face and make it so that you can't ignore them any longer. It also amazes me how much people can be falsly richious I mean you can't walk through life thinking that you are better than anyone else or eventually you will be smacked down hard and you also can't say that you wouldn't do the same thing if put in a situation that you have never had to deal with but whatever I think for a while I am done trying to facilitate change in people who have no desire for it in themeselves but instead focus on me and it sucks that I have to hurt myself by droping people in order to do it but like 311 says nothing good comes easily sometimes you have to fight so I am fighting for what I want and who I want to be not who someone else wants me to be for them.

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October 13th, 2005

Current Music: reggeaton Security: Time: 12:18 am Current Mood: stupidly happy

so jeff is married now and i have three sister Yay for me i love my sister and sister-in-laws. but i wanted it severly hurt a couple of the bridesmaides cause they were straight up bitches. so here is what happend my sister and i walk into the bridal chamber ON TIME!!!!!!! at 9:30 that is what time the wedding nazi told us to be there and brianna the bitchy bridesmaid from texas is like where have you been point 1 jill knew we were staying at the marriot downtown and not getting our hair done and point two the bitchy wedding coordinator told us to be at the church at 9:30 fast foward to the wedding brianna is talking to me in one of the most serious moments of mass the eucharist and i am like shhhh turn around so jeff and jill have me telling her and elizabeth off for talking but oh well they were told not to talk i was just being respectful to my religion but the reception was fun i got a little tipsy and found a beer that i like about as much as corona extra new castle brown ale is pretty damn good but the champagne was way too sweet and the chardony was gross but other than that it was good and we decorated the car and made it look really good even if we couldn't rig it so that when you break the horn goes off but i hope that they have fun in mexico on there honeymoon i am soo glad that jill is my sister in law she is awsome and just cause i think this is really cook and it should be shared jeff and jill got the highest score on their compatabillity precanna test in the church's history and that is the test that you have to take before you are able to get married in the catholic church and it is taken by both the bride and groom seperatly and the precanna is a set of prep for marriage that you have to take before you can be married in the church and the compatabillity is used if you try to get an annulment so they basiclly won't get one cause they got the hightest score possible so i guess that they are really made for eachother which is so awsome

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October 5th, 2005

Current Music: tv Security: Subject: vent Time: 01:23 am Current Mood: slightly optomistic

so here is what is up i hate school i am having a row with one of my good friends i don't have my licesnce but a chick who has siezers does (some explain that to me) the college mart didn't have my cigarettes so i got some scotch flavored ones they aren't really good on the up side jeff's wedding is on saturday and i get to see a ton of my family i get to get drunk with my grandma this weekend along with my sister and sister in law

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September 28th, 2005

Current Music: tv Security: Time: 12:03 am Current Mood: sick

so i feel like death warmed over twice and i have to get over this cause jeff's wedding is next weekend and the batchlorette party is saturday and it seems like the only person who gives a rats ass is my sister and my mom but that is expected but on to other things i feel like everyone one has forgotten about me and i wonder if that is how some people felt last year towards me and i am really sorry if they did cause it sucks. it amazes me how much people can run away from their problems and try to front what is going on and that is one thing that i hate is when someone is fake with me i mean if there is something bothering you about a person you should say it and not run from it or try to act like things are peachy keen when they aren't don't try to force a relationship that isn't there it only bites you both in the end. so everyone is leaving me some have already gone and some its not a phisical leaving more like an emotional one but its all good peoples true identies show themselves at some point

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